II Corinthians 5:7
On Monday, I attended Ben Carson’s funeral. There were more people than there were prayer books – such was the impact he had on the world – and we made the runs back and forth to the sacristy to try and furnish everyone appropriately. I’d grabbed a few more, and was waiting for the reading to end before walking out again. And as I listened I couldn’t make out everything, but the phrase I heard was “For we walk by faith, not by sight.”
I’ve never been at a memorial service like Ben’s. I’ve never experienced another person’s faith before the way I did when Doug Carson spoke about his son. And I’m still letting God work those words into me, because I don’t know yet why I was there to hear them, and what he wants me to do. But that phrase from Paul’s Second Letter to the Corinthians has been playing itself over in my head to the extent that I at least know I’m called to write this.
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” Do I really walk by faith? Most of the time it seems I walk in the sight of my to-do list, or the sight of my possessions, or what other people think of me. Most of the time I’m looking for some external validation of who I am, some reassurance that I’m doing the right thing, with the weird rationalization perhaps that if I can see it, God can see it!
The funny thing is, when I have the wherewithal to reflect on my life and its blessings, the really huge ones I recall are those that came totally out of the blue. With no explanation. God-given blessings, where God had faith in me. Given by faith, not by sight.
And that’s how God loves, right? It still doesn’t make sense to me all the time, and I don’t think it’s supposed to – but God doesn’t love us based on our achievements (or what we think they’re worth). And stewardship isn’t another thing to add to the list of the things we showed up for, or volunteered at, or contributed to over the year. Because God isn’t about what you do, how much, and how often. Just about the how. The challenge he longs for us to take up is to trust him. I have often felt that trust isn’t earned, but rather given. Trusting God – really trusting God – means walking by faith and not by sight. One gift, regardless of its size or scope, given with compassion towards ourselves and others and to the glory of God, is like the lost sheep or the lost coin. It’s worth everything to Him.
We’re all on our own journey with God. It’s not a race and it’s not a competition. And while our experiences are our own, the joy of our faith is that they’re ours to share with one another – when we find it harder to feel God’s presence in our lives, we have each other to remind us that we are not alone and He is with us. So I’m asking you to find one gift today, with compassion for God within you and God in all of us. Whatever that means to you – again it’s not the what, it’s the how that counts. And be gentle with yourself. It’s not about perfection – it’s about the practice.
Imogen Howes
Stewards in the Hands of a Loving God 